The myth of dying with "dignity".

I often hear people talk about dying with dignity and I wonder what exactly that means? Is refusing to live off machines dying with dignity? Is refusing treatment that will only prolong your death dying with dignity? There is no such thing. You can live with dignity, but like everything else in life, you can't take dignity to your grave. I can draw a line at what treatments I will or won't take. But twice this weak I have nearly passed out in the bathroom. The task of wiping my own butt took more energy than I had. Where is the dignity in that? When I went in respiratory distress and flatlined, as with most people when they die, I shat myself. They didn't do much to clean me up because they didn't expect me to come off life support. I woke up in a gown on a sheet and under a blankets all with my own feces on it. Not very dignified. You can take medications for your pain and you can balm your soul with spiritual beliefs if you have them, but when you are gasping for breath, not much helps the fear at the moment. You can accept that you are going to die, you can even prepare to die, but in those final moments I think eve3ryone is scared of the dark. I was, I will be again. Be kind to other people. Show compassion because you can, not because you feel you have to. Be honest. These are a few of the ways you can live with dignity. When I finally lose this almost eleven year ongoing struggle with systemic lupus, unless I am sleeping I will probably be gasping for air, screaming in pain and begging for help. Just another dying man scared of the dark. If I am remembered at all I hope it's for the person I became after my other passed away. I have tried to be someone she would be proud of every day. I don't always succeed. But I try. I hope people remember me for that if anything. Remember how I lived, not how I died. Rob